wow...i can see harry as some sort of future Mad Eye Moody...lots of guilt, hunting people for vengence.

"Trying to ease the guilt a little by putting things right."

that's a perfect way of describing the both of them

What an interesting start to a story!  Normally, we see Harry either receiving all his information through Weasley letters or Remus comes to visit.  I like the uniqueness of Harry interacting with Moody.  I also like that he wasn’t suddenly taken away from Privet Drive.

Your interpretation of Mad Eye is engaging.  He is, more than any other HP canon character, a soldier first.  I believe his reaction to Harry in these scenes.  His dry humor, his dead pan delivery of his information about Sirius, as well as his brusque way of addressing Harry’s guilt ring true to the books as well as fleshing out his personality.  Good job.   Harry post OOP (and post traumatic stress) would need someone who’s been to hell and back to talk to.  Remus is too close to the loss:  Harry would just feel more guilt at his pain.   Mad Eye’s acceptance of the risks and loss make his hyper attention to safety even more understandable. 

The memorial will be interesting to see.  Right now Harry has been jarred out of his guilty mindset.  At least a little.  How will these new thoughts hold once he’s faced with his friends who fought with him and those who also loved Sirius?  I can’t wait to find out. 

Your sentence structure and spelling were excellent.  Please pass along my thanks to your betas.  Thank you as well.  It takes a great deal of courage to share something you’ve created with others.  This is an excellent start, and I look forward to see where your story leads.  Please continue. Best regards,
ellie --pixie