Author: Astarte
Story: Blooper Reel for The New Professor, Chapter Four
Rating: Young Teens
Setting: Pre-HBP
Status: Completed
Reviews: 0
Words: 742
Director's commentary: this cut takes place right after Harry kisses Ginny. The actors were allowed to improvise on the first run-through and this was the result.
*
Ginny gasped, her hand came to her mouth and her eyes blazed with several emotions all at once. Her cheeks flamed and she met Harry's gaze. Suddenly she raised her wand and shouted, "Pescis Glacialis Advenio!"
Harry stared at her in confusion. What appeared to be a very large frozen salmon had appeared in her left hand, and she held it in the stance of a baseball player. Even with his lightning-fast Quidditch reflexes, he was too stunned to react before she let out an almighty swing and smacked him upside the head with it.
"You stupid git!" she screamed. "You make my brothers seem like Mensa members!"
Harry tried to regain his balance, but quickly lost that battle as she took another swing, striking him in the chest this time and knocking him backwards into the reflecting pool of the monument.
"So much for that erection," Harry mumbled.
Ginny wasn't finished with him. "How could you leave us all like that, you twit? Didn't you realize what you would be doing to all of us you left behind?" She started swinging the frozen fish over her head like a battle axe as she ranted at him, the rest of the words were ripped away by the torrent of wind she was creating with the flying aquatic creature, but Harry was sure he caught a few comparing him to dog feces.
"I had to get away from all these reminders of the things I'd lost -"
"Would a good Obliviator help?" she spat. "You didn't even have the decency to allow my family to mourn our own spilt blood!"
The fish was apparently starting to thaw slightly, as some of its own blood now dripped down her arm and a spot of it landed on her nose. With a final swing, she lugged it at Harry's head, but he reacted quickly enough to duck this time. It crashed into the obelisk and smeared down the last few names before landing in the water and floating sideways. Harry somehow had the presence of mind to cast a quick cleansing charm and Banish the fish out of the memorial.
"Did you think that somehow I wasn't feeling that loss, too, Ginny? I was there, I saw him fall. I couldn't eat -"
"Looks like you've been eating just fine since then!" Ginny said, sarcastically pointing out the bit of a belly that Harry had developed.
"It's hard to lose the Freshman Fifteen," he mumbled in response.
Ginny screamed something incoherent again, and Harry looked up just in time to see a small army of breaded shrimp flying toward his head. As the first one struck he realized that these had also been frozen.
"Ginny, seeing you in McGonagall's office was hardly the kind of reunion I was hoping for, but don't you think you're taking this a little far?"
"Taking this a little far?" She swung her wand over her head and a large rainbow trout appeared over Harry's head. He looked up as the ominous shadow fell across his eyes, and managed to Banish it just before it collided with his forehead.
"What kind of reunion were you expecting, anyway?" she asked as she watched her latest aquatic creation sail through the air towards The Three Broomsticks.
"Oh, I don't know, maybe that we'd scream at each other a bit and then have a great make up snogging session."
"In your dreams, Harry Potter!"
"Well, maybe in a few other's dreams as well," he observed quietly.
*
Director's commentary: sorry for the abrupt ending of that reel, but we ran out of film before the actress ran out of seafood. Thank you for viewing, and stay tuned for more Collectors' Edition outtakes and blooper reels from your favorite Gryffindor Tower inhabitants.
(A/N: in homage to my betaee, BJH, whom I had the pleasure to meet face-to-face last night. He's been the recipient of many a large piece of virtual seafood the place of a baseball bat to the head as I encourage him to learn the proper way to use the English language. Gotta love betaing! ;) Also, thanks to Aibhinn for the Latin reference and the quick IM betaing, and for Michele40 for writing something that set off my irreverent funny bone).
The End
