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Author: mysty Story: Harry Potter and the Mystery of Myrddin's Torch Rating: Teens Setting: Pre-HBP Status: WIP Reviews: 0 Words: 40,548
A full moon was shining. The sound of a loud bark rang through the winter night. It sounded far enough away. Continuing to run as fast as possible, the only sound he could hear was his own out of breath panting and the snow crunching under his feet. Dashing through the pine trees, he was winning the race until with a growl of triumph, he was tackled to the ground. The large black dog seemed to spring from nowhere. The two wrestled in the snow, matching bites and growls until exhaustion overtook them. Remus Lupin sat in Harry's sitting room looking out at the Forbidden Forest. Harry was due back from the infirmary any minute. Thoughts of Sirius were always close to the surface. He sat there staring, remembering what it felt like to run free in those trees with Padfoot in Animagus form. It was all those years ago and it was yesterday. Their lives were full of promise and hope back then. What would they have done if they'd known how things would end? They should have believed in each other more, kept faith in their friendship. Instead Voldemort, or really it was Peter even then, had planted the seeds of doubt. There was a traitor in their midst. No one suspected Peter. Everyone suspected him, the Werewolf, the dark creature. He couldn't deny the Wolf inside. He spent every day with him. He couldn't blame them for not trusting him. He struggled to trust himself. When Sirius went to Azkaban without a trial, he turned his back on him. He could have trusted his friend. Losing James and Lily was so grim, so tragic. Peter was gone, too. Sirius seemed guilty. All his friends were lost in one horrible betrayal. He hadn't dealt with his grief well, even then. Poor Harry was sent to live with Muggles. He was powerless to help him. ‘I really believed he was better off without me. I had nothing to offer anyone but grief,' he thought. Life had gone on. A measure of worth had returned. Then Harry had brought him hope. He'd brought Sirius back to him. That night in the Shrieking Shack began with the thought that he was going to avenge them, Harry and his parents, by capturing his old friend. Instead he'd found Peter alive and well and guilty as hell. Padfoot was back. Their friendship was restored. That was then, before the Department of Mysteries. Now he had to face Harry. He'd put it off all summer, brooding in Grimmauld Place, lost to grief and guilt. The letter wasn't enough. He wrote it, but never sent it. He had to apologize to his face. Keeping Harry from following Sirius through the veil was haunting him. Harry had restored his friendship with Sirius, brought him back from the dead for two years, and he had repaid him by letting his godfather die. Harry had screamed his grief that night. Obviously, he felt Sirius' death strongly. He'd almost followed him. He lost his last hope of having a real family. Then Dumbledore sent him to the purgatory that was life at the Dursleys. ‘I was no good to him last summer, too busy howling about my own grief to come to terms with Harry's loss. I've failed him all of his life. What can I offer him now? Dumbledore should just find someone else to be his guardian. It's foolish to leave the task to me.' ***** After checking on the Weasleys, Harry walked into his rooms quietly. Professor Lupin was sitting staring out at the forest. He'd wanted to talk to him all summer, wanted to explain how sorry he was. Now that he had to face him alone, he wasn't so sure. Sirius had been this man's best friend. ‘Now he's dead because of me,' he thought as he cleared his throat and gathered his courage. "Hello, Professor. I'm glad you're here." "Hello, Harry," answered Remus just as formally. They both avoided eye contact. The silence stretched between them. Harry didn't trust himself to speak. His eyes were shining with unshed tears. Lupin broke the silence, "I'm so sorry, Harry. I know you wanted to see me this summer. I just wasn't in any condition to see anyone. Too many memories... I've never been good at grief." Harry couldn't stop the tears from falling. His voice cracked as he said, "I'm sorry, too, Professor, more than I can say. If I hadn't been so stupid, none of it would have happened. I just didn't think straight. I don't know how to ask you to forgive me when I can't forgive myself." His face turned red as anger and grief welled up inside him. The air around him began to crackle. The months of keeping a lid on his emotions forgotten. It was as though his grief had been kept fresh by the guilt he kept inside. For the moment, he couldn't blame Snape or Kreacher. He had to face that it was all his fault. Shaking his head, Remus answered, "No, Harry. Stop. I've been trying to figure out how to say I'm sorry to you. Voldemort has fooled stronger men than you. It wasn't your fault. I could have stopped Sirius. I should have Stunned him and left him behind in a Binding Spell. He could have been caught going to the Ministry - of all places." He put his arms around Harry. Harry was embarrassed to cry on Remus' shoulder. He pulled himself up, struggling to stop the tears, and said, "I've really been doing all right. The summer has been good. I think I'll always feel this way about Sirius. There will always be a part of me that feels this awful anger and guilt and sadness." "If there weren't, you wouldn't be human, Harry." He hesitated, trying to put this next part into words. "I didn't just want to say I'm sorry, Harry. I also wanted to thank you." "What?" said Harry, almost laughing at the suggestion that there was something to thank him for in all of this grief. "I made a mess of things, Professor." "I wanted to thank you for giving me my friend back for two years, Harry." He put his hand up as if to say, ‘Stop.' "Let me explain. This isn't my first time mourning Sirius. For twelve years, I lost all my friends. All the people I'd loved and who'd loved me. The Marauders accepted me even with my affliction. And we had a great time. Sirius, your father, your mother, even Peter, we had so much fun. Then I spent twelve years thinking it had all been a lie, that Sirius wasn't who I thought he was, that he had killed Peter and turned Lily and James, and even you, over to Voldemort. My world turned upside down. Until you gave me hope by bringing Sirius back to life. You gave me two years, Harry." "And then I took it away again," said Harry darkly. "What would you give for more time with Sirius, right now, Harry?" He'd give anything, all his gold, gladly if he could have Sirius back. He answered, "Anything." "That's how I felt, too. Then, you gave me two whole years, Harry. That was really quite something." Silence fell on the two. A different silence this time. An understanding began. Remus punched Harry lightly on his arm. Harry grinned and wiped away the remainder of his tears. They talked into the evening; sharing stories about Sirius - running in the forest, watching Harry play Quidditch in his dog form. Life would go on. They would have each other and Sirius' memory. **** The following morning, Harry stayed under the shower an extra long time. It had been great to finally speak with Professor Lupin. While the two of them had cleared the air between them, the birthday message from his parents and the question of his heritage had unsettled him. The last few days had brought Harry one shock after another. First he had to watch Ginny hug Dean. He wasn't really over that yet. Then Cho had been attacked and her brother had blamed him. Then he had helped rescue Professor Lupin - who turned out to be his new godfather - from a mysterious cave where he found a wonderful sword. Then the Burrow had been attacked with Ginny making a narrow escape with an injured Ron and Hermione. And on top of everything, Dumbledore drops the news that they think he might be connected with Merlin. Could it be true? He hoped it wasn't. Harry stepped out of the shower. The room was filled with steam. He heard a noise in his bedroom so he wrapped a towel around his waist. Without his glasses or contact lenses, he couldn't see, but he thought it must be Dobby so he stepped into the bedroom to collect his clothes. He heard a rather feminine gasp and saw a flash of red hair. Harry said, "Sorry, I thought you must be Dobby." "What's going on here?" He heard a decidedly masculine voice ask from the outer room. "Is that you Professor Lupin?" asked Harry trying to wipe the steam off his old glasses. With his vision coming into focus, Harry saw Ginny with her back to him near the door to his bedroom and Remus near the door in the room beyond. Suddenly uncomfortably aware that he was almost naked, dripping wet and practically alone with the girl of his dreams, Harry said, "Could you shut the door for me, Ginny? I'll be out in a moment." His voice sounded lower than usual, almost a growl. "Certainly, Harry," she answered stiffly. Without turning around, she shut the door. It was very quiet when Harry finally joined the other two. "All right, Ginny, Professor?" he asked. "How are the patients this morning?" "They are the same. Cho has her family with her. Both Ron and Hermione were sleeping and Mum made me leave," Ginny answered. The special medi-wizard from St. Mungo's had performed numerous Healing Charms on Ron and Hermione the evening before. Ginny had stayed as late as she could. The Weasleys were occupying a suite of rooms just across from the Changs near the infirmary which was meant for the families of patients in the Hogwarts infirmary. "Have either of you had breakfast? Let's have something to eat before we go down," Harry suggested. Ginny was still blushing and unusually quiet. She and Professor Lupin both looked a little pale. Trying to steer the conversation from the towel scene, hoping that wasn't what was on their minds, Harry said, "What is it? Not another Death Eater attack. Did they get the Dursleys this time?" Remus laughed at the hopeful tone in his voice. "You've had quite a week, haven't you? If you are going to interpret every pause in the conversation as a prelude to an important announcement…I came to say goodbye for the next couple of days. I'm headed to Wolfhaven Inn. Full moon tomorrow night." Ginny relaxed a little and gave them both a small smile. "Good luck, Professor. I'd like some breakfast, Harry," she said, not meeting his eyes. With a wave of his hand, the table was set for three with Ginny's favorite breakfast foods: apple muffins, porridge, pumpkin juice, bacon, eggs and tomatoes. Ginny and Harry relaxed while they ate and talked. Harry pointed out that the view from his rooms of the Forbidden Forest must mean they were near Gryffindor Tower, but he wasn't quite sure where they were. Professor Lupin gave both Harry and Ginny a speech about how he wanted them to start calling him Remus since he wasn't working at Hogwarts anymore. He promised to go with Harry to the Potter trust vault as soon as they could arrange it. Harry explained to Ginny about the vault and the possibility that the Potters may have a connection to Merlin. "You should keep that idea to yourself, Harry. I know you trust Ginny, but you wouldn't want that rumor circulating. You are enough of a target anyway," warned Remus. "Of course, you are right, Prof...I mean, Remus," replied Harry. "I trust Ginny with all my secrets." ‘Except for one,' he thought to himself. When Remus had left, Ginny suggested they finish drinking their tea out on the terrace. Harry and Ginny were unusually quiet. It was not the comfortable companionable silence that they had enjoyed over the summer. Clearly Ginny had something on her mind, but didn't know how to bring it up so Harry broke the stillness. Grinning, he asked, "What's on your mind, Ginny? Is this about walking in on me wearing a towel?" Ginny giggled, glad that he could joke about that embarrassing moment. "I'll cherish the memory - Harry and his towel. Where's my sketchbook so I can get it down on paper?" she teased. Then she continued more seriously, "I had a run in with Cho's brother last night and I keep turning it over in my mind. I'm not sure I really want to talk about it right now." Harry could just imagine what Charles had said to Ginny, probably more warnings about the dangers of being near him. Anger swelled up in his chest like a serpent rising. The air around them crackled. Watching Harry fire up with anger, sensing the power he couldn't control, Ginny thought, ‘maybe there is some truth to what Charles said about Harry being dangerous. Even Voldemort is afraid of him. But, he would never hurt me. I know he wouldn't.' While she was thinking, she watched Harry who was staring out at the Forbidden Forest with a grim look on his face. She slipped her hand into his and tilted her head with a smile to get his attention. Looking into her sparkling golden-brown eyes, Harry calmed down. He smiled back. He didn't know how long they smiled at each other; they lost track of time until the air around them made one loud snap as though some sort of magical tension was discharged. Lifting her hand so that he could hold it with both of his, Harry said, "No matter what, I'm your friend, Gin. If you need to keep your distance, I'll understand. I hope you know you can always talk to me." At that he remembered something and said, "Oh, speaking of always being able to talk to me." He pulled two little blue framed mirrors out of his pocket. "I sent Dobby to buy these. If you want, I can Charm them so that we can talk to each other no matter where we are. Your mirror can only be activated by your voice so neither of us will catch the other wearing just a towel or something." He grinned at her. "I bought them because of what happened to Remus. If we hadn't had a double mirror, we never would have found him. Thankfully, his rescue was easy. We just walked in and walked out with him, but another rescue might be more difficult. A mirror like this could save a life. Not that I'm suggesting anything is going to happen to you." He was suddenly concerned that he was going to worry her. "We'll have these just in case. It'll make you safer, Gin." He spoke as though he had to talk her into this. "It will make you safer, too, Harry. What a good idea!" she answered. Harry was relieved she didn't bring up what Dean will think of this. He suspected Ginny's boyfriend wouldn't be too happy that they had communication set up - twenty-four, seven - just for them. ‘If it makes her safer, he should be happy about it,' Harry rationalized as he performed the charm and presented her with her little mirror. As they made their way down to the infirmary, Harry held back and tested the mirror, quietly saying, "Ginny Weasley!" into his mirror. She stopped short and looked back up the stairs where Harry was, laughing when she realized his voice was coming from her pocket. "Hello," she said. All she could see was her own nose. "You have to say my name into your mirror," Harry shouted down to her. She did and Harry's nose and mouth appeared in her mirror. "Will it work if you hold it far enough back to see your whole face?" she asked. They played around with their mirrors and discovered that if you held it back far enough to show your whole face, then you had to practically shout for the other person to hear you. They both agreed quickly that the mirrors should remain their little secret. Neither said why. Harry didn't want Dean to know. Ginny, though, hadn't thought about Dean since the attack on the Burrow. She was afraid of what Ron would say. He might think she was a ‘scarlet woman' if he found out she'd seen Harry in a towel and now had a way to talk to him even late at night. School would begin in a couple of days. Now that Ron and Hermione were out of danger, they could enjoy having the castle to themselves. A/N: Thanks once again to Hollow Godrick for all of his help beta reading! I hope this is the right version this time.
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